The Pain of Pleasure: Isolation


As a person’s involvement with porn addiction increases, he spends more and more time alone.  You may not feel  it at the time, but porn is, in fact, a very  isolating phenomenon.  As more time and energy is invested in viewing porn, less time and energy is spent with family, friends and community.  Ironically, porn feels like you’re getting your needs met instantaneously whereas the reality is that the more time you spend isolated from real, non-virtual interactions, the less you’re getting your needs met.

Viewing porn is not only done in isolation, the after- effects of spending time in the “erotic haze” is an overall attitude of secrecy, lies and deception.  This lack of openness about yourself also creates isolation.

Friendship is a lot like food.  We need it to survive.  (We DON”T need porn to survive!)  We seem to have a basic drive for it.  Psychologiests find that human beings have a fundamental need for inclusion in group life and for close relationships.  We truly ARE social animals.

We function best when our relational needs are met.  We’re able to get and stay motivated, to meet the challenges of life, have higher self esteem and feel safer.

When our needs for social relationships is not met, we fall apart mentally and even physically.  There are serious effects on the brain and body.  Unmet social needs take a serious toll on healthy, eroding our arteries, creating high blood pressure and undermining learning and memory.

Periods between the porn binges may bring an awareness of a deficiency in relationships.  We feel sad, empty, bored.  We feel distanced from others, deprived and afraid.  Stress hormones increase, as we do not have the kinds of relationships that buffer us against stress as good relationships normally do.

One of the most important recovery tools is to GET OUT AND GET INVOLVED.  Isolation feeds self-obsession, which is a very painful place to be.  Doing something for someone else without expectation of return is the antidote to self-obsessed isolation.

If you don’t consciously experience isolation and loneliness as part of your porn saga, think  about the moment you turn the computer off.

And you’re all alone.

Advertisements
Tagged , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: