The Pain of the Pleasure: The Objectification of Women


 There is no such thing as an ugly woman.  ~Vincent Van Gogh

“I’m looking at you right now in a sexual way whether you like it or not.  Never mind the fact that I don’t know your name, care to know your name, or have any idea of who you are.  I don’t really care about you.  You serve as an object for my sexual pleasure.  I only care about how sexually aroused you can make me feel.”

This is how a former client described the way he used to look at people when he was heavily into porn.

This is a process called sexual objectification.  It involves taking the humanity from a human being and turning her into a need-satisfying object.  Objectifying tries to turn real people into the fantasy women that is in pornography.

Not only can objectifying women distract you from real issues in your real life, it can also turn you off to potential intimate partners.  The dating pool becomes limited when you’re only willing to relate with someone who looks like a porn star.

“Lately, it5 seems like I can’t accept any imperfection in the women I meet.  I’ll start talking with a really nice girl at a bar.  She’s cute and has a great sense of humor, but I’m not really interested.  She’s not a ‘ten’.  She has flaws.  Her boobs are too smal, her waist too thick, her thigns too wide.  Porn has created a gap between the kind of woman I enjoy being with and the kind of woman I can sexually desire”, says another client.

Porn had left him lacking in the skills necessary for making friends with women and showing them respect.

“I treated women as sex things.  If she turned me on I’d talk with her; if she didn’t, I would ignore her.  I began to see attractive women as possible sexual conquests.  I didn’t realize there’s a big difference between using someone for sex and sharing a sexual experience with them.  Porn made it impossible for me to see women as people and treat them with respect.  I’m very sad about that.”

The more time you spend in the world of porn, the more your values become about using people or being used, and not about sharing and connecting with another.

This is a syndrome that is part of a  a narcissistic personality disorder.  Such a person has an exaggerated need for attention and approval to shore up a fragile, insecure sense of self. Unable to self-validate or self-soothe, he is constantly on the lookout for validation and soothing from others.  His needs are so compelling, so intense, so relentless that he becomes self-obsessed and has no awareness of the reality of someone else.

Intimacy, love, or real friendship are foreign to him.  It takes everything he has just to hold himself together and to get his narcissistic needs met.  He sees all people, but especially women, as potential need-satisfying objects.  If people are seen as objects, others have no needs or wants.  It isn’t necessary to exert emphatic listening, care, concern or compassion.

Sex addiction is, after all, an intimacy disorder.

 

 

http://www.sextreatment.com

Sex Addiction Therapy NYC, Sex Addiction Treatment NYC, Porn Addiction Therapy NYC

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