10 Tools to Quit Porn Addiction:Values Clarification


Tool #1 is to replace compulsive, destructive behaviors with value-laden behaviors.

Take time to do some soul searching.  What are the most important values in your life?  What is important to you? Family, career, spiritual principles, self-respect, being a part of a larger community, financial security?  Whatever your values may be, I’m taking a guess that there’s a conflict between your values and your sexual behaviors. Become aware of the space between them.

If you fill your day with actions that reflect your personal values, rather than actions that sexually gratify only you, can you think about “what a wonderful life it will be?”

I’m re-posting an earlier post to remind you.

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth may save you.

—Gospel of Thomas 

Think of your porn addiction as a powerful, sometimes overpowering involvement to which you turn for security and gratification when you fail to find better gratifications in the rest of your life. The more you turn to the addiction, the more primary it becomes.  Yet the more you rely on it, the more negative experiences it produces in your life and the more you need to return to the addiction. 

If you turn to internet porn for solace to the exclusion of meaningful involvements in the rest of your life, you are captured by addiction.

Do not despair.  Addiction can be beaten — people do it all the time!  This blog will, among other things, teach you about therapies, techniques and exercises that work on the needed skills and attitudes that can help get you to where you want to be.  Hopefully, it will help you get attached to life in as many ways as possible.

I believe that before an individual even forms a “game plan”, (which we’ll do in time) it is necessary to build a strong foundation of knowledge of what values you hold most dear and establish motivational aims.  These will strengthen you on your journey to sexual recovery. 

If you at the cross-roads in your life where you feel that change must occur, it’s time to do a little soul-searching.  Go within and ferret out values that you’ve had but have betrayed. What’s been important to you in your heart-of-hearts.  Family? Health? Spiritual beliefs?  Or being a good person?

Then consider cultivating some new values that might give your life new purpose.  When you can truly experience how the addiction is damaging what is most important to you, the steps out of your addiction often fall into place. You can use your own values as a tool to fight your addiction.

Why do Values Even Matter in Addiction Recovery? 

While pursuing sexual highs to the exclusion of attachment to others and productive work, you’re values are on display.  You are signaling either that you see little wrong in it or that the other values in your life are less important than the temporary sexual pleasure you get from porn addiction.  Think for a moment about the difference between being motivated by a hunger for pleasure and being motivated by your essential values.  Quite a different picture, no?

Stanton Peele, in “7 Tools to Beat Addiction” lists values that help combat addiction:

  • Achievement – accomplishing constructive and socially values goals, such as participating in athletics, running for office, getting an education, succeeding at work, or providing for your family.
  • Consciousness – being alert, awake, and aware of your surroundings; using you mind to make sense out of your life and experience
  • Activity – being energetic and engaged in the world around you.
  • Health –eating well, exercising, choosing an overall healthy lifestyle
  • Responsibility – fulfilling you commitments.  Understand the spiritual aspects of “duty”
  • Self-respect –  caring for yourself and, be extension, all people
  • Community – being involved in the world around you and contributing to the welfare of the communities in which you are involved.

How do Values Fight Addiction? 

People drop addictions all the time when using interferes with their parenting skills. They value the well-being of their children more than the pleasure they get from addiction.  If you have kids, satisfying work and basic self-respect, the rationalizations that keep addiction in place are harder to defend.

People who value clear thinking shy away from the “Erotic Haze” which is really like regular intoxication.  Rational decisions cannot be made when you’re trapped in your addiction cycle. 

People who hold achievement as a core value wouldn’t waste hours and hours looking a porn; they’d be involved in productive, creative activities that help them to achieve their goals.

During this soul-searching time, you may need to learn how to do things in a way that is consistent with your values, or to value new ways of looking at the world. Take some time to really SEE how your addiction is in conflict with the basic values your hold.

Embrace and relish what you think is important and right – or in cases where you recognize that your values are wrong or harmful to yourself and other work on changing them.  Publicize you values as primary indicators of who you are.  And harness and use your values as fuel for your recovery.

http://www.sextreatment.com

 

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