Why You Love Your Porn Addiction


Shame is the constant companion of the porn addict.  Usually, in your pre-porn days, there were certain life experiences that you experienced in your family, your teachers or your peers that put the seed of shame embedded in your psyche.  Then you enter into the world of porn addiction and “shameful” sexuality and the shame intensifies because of your behavior.

Shame puts a blanket over aliveness, vitality and sexuality.  Most negative feelings — depression, anger, anxiety, a sense of worthlessness, “less than” or inadequacy — are derivatives of shame.

It is the desire to be free of these negative feelings that drive you to the porn.

After a point, porn becomes your exclusive way of managing your inner states. The more you’re involved with porn, the fewer coping mechanisms you have for dealing with reality in healthy ways.

Intense and escalating sexual arousal instantly relieves unwanted inner states.  Your feelings are somehow threatening to you and you want them to go away NOW.  The deal here is control.  If you can control your moods, everything will be fine.  If, through involvement with Internet pornography, you can everyone to do as you wish, you’ll feel safe.  Everything is fine, as long as you have control over your moods.

Sexual arousal is the opposite of shame and depression.    Shame involves a feeling of being repulsive to others, while sexual arousal involves a sense of being connected to others.  Shame evokes an image of being judged from the outside.  Sexual excitement feels more like a powerful current in which one is swept up.

We feel shame in response to imagined contempt from the outside.  We feel aroused in response to another’s desire.  Shame makes us want to hide.  Excitement makes us want to come out and play.  Helplessness and depression makes us want to give up, while sexual excitement makes us love life, however temporarily.

Sexual arousal is the perfect salve for feelings of inadequacy, emptiness, shame and depression.  You can understand why it’s so hard for a porn addict to walk away from a behavior that seems to feed his many sexual and psychological needs.

This self-transformation from a frog into a price through the use of sexual arousal is the core dynamic of sexual addiction You can see the pressing need to reverse shame-based feelings weave itself into every phase of the sex addiction cycle.

I think “sex addiction” or “porn addiction” are misnomers.  It’s not really the sex act that keeps you in the perpetual snarl of the addiction cycle.  It’s the state of being sexually aroused that you’re addicted to.  Let’s start a new name for sex addiction.  Let’s call it “sexual arousal addiction” because that’s what it really is.

If you’re interested in treatment, contact me (dorothyhayden1231@gmail.com) for a free 30-minute phone consultation. 

http://www.sextreatment.com

Porn addiction therapy, nyc

Sex addiction therapy, nyc

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3 thoughts on “Why You Love Your Porn Addiction

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