Monthly Archives: February 2013

Why People Don’t Talk More About Porn

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http://tvnz.co.nz/seven-sharp/damage-caused-internet-porn-addiction-video-5356694

This is an interested video about porn addiction from Seven Sharp TV.

They make some interesting points: that pornography addiction isn’t talked about as much as it should be. (After all, it’s so shameful and hidden.)  They mention one of the real problems with overcoming porn addiction: access. The Internet is, after all, everywhere.

They cite a concern I have: that any family with a boy in the family is in danger of that youngster assessing what’s sexy and what’s not in a way that could effect his intimacy/sexuality with flesh-and-blood females by the time they become 18.  They simply don’t find real girls attractive and erectile dysfunction becomes a problem.

They discuss one way of stopping:  doing a 60-day fast from porn to re-boot one’s brain (See www.yourbrainonporn.com.)

For myself, I see a 60-day fast as a potential set-up for failure.  If a person can’t do all 60 days, he may just give up his whole sexual recovery effort.  I prefer the One-day-at-a-time approach.

tags: erectile dysfunctionsexual recoverypornography addiction

http://www.sextreatment.com

15 Relaxation Techniques to Aid Porn Addiction Recovery

 Call 212-673-5717 for a Free 30-minute Consultation

relax

Are you aware of the factors that immediately precede your entry into the “sex addiction cycle” with it’s preoccupation, fantasies, ritualization, “erotic haze” and ultimately, sexual acting out?

The closer you get to the end of the cycle, for instance, immersion in the “erotic haze”, the harder it is to extricate yourself from the irresistible allure of acting out. The more you can do to work on yourself at the beginning of the cycle, the greater the chances are that you can block yourself from having compulsive sex on the Internet.

So what is it, precisely, that starts it off? Some therapists say it is a “pain event” or a “toxic state”. I believe that, whatever your particular trigger is, underlying the reason you reach for your pornography addiction is the experience of anxiety. If it’s not anxiety that you feel directly, it’s some form of it or it’s anxiety about experiencing certain feeling states – dread, fear, stress, racing-mind, physical discomfort, boredom, loneliness, marital conflict, etc.

It is my firm belief that your sexual recovery plan should include 20 minutes a day of deep relaxation.

Relaxation exercises not only alleviates anxiety, it makes you less reactive so you can think clearly about the consequences of your behavior.

Becoming sexually sober is not easy. Professionals in the alcoholism field talk about PAW (Post Acute Withdrawal) and they say the symptoms can last for up to a year for the substances to truly leave the body and mind. I don’t think it takes that long for sex addicts, but you’ll definitely go through a withdrawal period as your brain chemicals begin to settle in to homeostasis.

For the newly recovering addict, stress sensitivity can result in difficulty in managing stress and can be the most confusing and aggravating part of post acute withdrawal for many PAW sufferers. You will learn that it is common for recovering people to often be unable to distinguish between low-stress situations and high-stress situations.

To complicate things further, all of the other symptoms of post acute withdrawal become worse during times of high stress. You may feel stressful in situations that ordinarily would not bother you and in addition, experience even more stress when you overreact. You may do things that are completely inappropriate for the situation, so much so that later on you may wonder why they reacted so strongly.

When things happen that require two units of emotional reaction, you react with ten. It is like holding the “times” key down on a calculator. You may find yourself becoming angry over what may later seem to have been a trivial matter.

You may feel more anxious or excited than you have reason to be when you suffer from the symptoms of PAW in addiction recovery.
When this overreaction puts more stress on the nervous systems than it can handle, there is an emotional shutdown. If this happens to you, you become emotionally numb, unable to feel anything. And even when you know you should feel something, you do not. You may swing from one mood to another without knowing why.

Despair Not!

There are many relaxation techniques available to you to alleviate stress.

And there are other reasons you should do a deep-relaxation technique for 20-minutes a day besides as an aid in addiction recovery.

Medical research shows that consistent deep relaxation has surprising health benefits such as strengthening the immune system, diabetics who no longer need insulin, widens respiratory passages in asthmatics, lowers blood pressure, cholesterol levels and helps cardiovascular problems, alleviates chronic pain, reduces insomnia, and improves blood flow to the heart.
http://www.nytimes.com/1986/05/13/science/relaxation-surprising-benefits-detected.html

Your best friend when cravings arise is right beneath your nostrils! No need to pick up a substance or a destructive sexual behavior to feel better. If you feel a sexual craving, immediately sit down and take 10 deep breaths from the diaphragm. Do NOT breath from your shoulders which produces the kind of breathe flow we use when we’re anxious.

Simple deep breathing will relax your body and clear your mind so you can think rationally about the consequences of your behavior. While you’re breathing, try to visualize those consequences. How did you feel after your last blow-out? Was it truly worth the effort? Try to bring up, visceral, the shame, self-loathing and emptiness. Now visualize your wife and draw up warm and loving feelings.

Deep breathing and visualization are only two of the many, many types of relaxation techniques.

I’ve provided a list and an accompanying link for 15 different ways to chill out. Try one. Not for you? Try another. But DO DO it. The benefits are incredible.

Links

Deep Relaxation Hypnosis Tapes 
I put these first because they’re my personal favorites. I’m trained in Hypnosis so I’m a tough customer when it comes to other hypnotherapists. But these guys are right on the money. And they’re BRITS, so the voices just take you away from your body and your mind where there’s really deep relaxation. I listen to one daily and the results are remarkable. My favorites are: “Body Scan”, “Quiet Mind” and “7-11 Breathing”. DO NOT MISS the ones on sex and porn addiction!
http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com

The Use of Meditation in Sexual Recovery
http://sextreatment.com/how-to-use-mindfulness-meditation-in-recovery-from-sex-addiction (This is my article, how could I leave it out?)

The Relaxation Response – Dr. Herbert Benson, in 1960, developed a program for deep relaxation that illicit a physical state of deep rest that changes the physical and emotional response to stress (e.g. decreases in heart rate, blood pressure, rate of breathing and muscle tension. His book, “The Relaxation Response” (available at Amazon) was HUGE. To my mind, it’s a simplified version of Buddhist meditation, but it seemed to be packaged in a way that appealed to folks.
http://www.massgeneral.org/bhi/basics/rr.aspx (interview and video)

Mindfulness meditation instructions
www.marc.ncla.edu/body.cfm?ID=22
I was studying mindfulness meditation back in 1978. Based in Buddhism, but without all the “stuff”, it teaches you to be present in each moment. The idea is to focus attention on what’s happening now and accept it with impartiality, or without judgment. Times when I’ve kept a regular practice are times I’ve been able to experience ecstasy while washing the bathroom floor!

Mindfulness practice is particularly good for sex addicts who tend to fantasize and be preoccupied with things that may never occur. This practice helps you keep your feet on the ground and find serenity in the simplicity of living.

Contemplative Prayer
www.contemplativeprayer.net/
For our Christian friends.

Relaxation Music
www.wholeperson.com.

Deep Breathing Exercises 
http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-management-breathing-exercises-for-relaxation

Creative Visualization MP3 Download
mp3skull.com/mp3/creative visualization.html

15-minute beginner’s yoga routine
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyqHraoVSDA

Deep Tissue Massage
http://www.webmdlance/massage-therapy-styles-and-health-.com/babenefits

Tai-chi for Beginners
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNWPk6tYoUM

Martial Arts
www.wimp.com/martialarts/ (Video)

Biofeedback/Neurofeedback
www.mayoclinic.com/health/biofeedback/MY01072

Hiking/Walking
http://www.americanhiking.org/HikingResources/HealthBenefits/

Addiction-Recovery Stress Management

http://www.rightstep.com/programs/alcohol-drug-rehab-intensive-outpatient-care/intensive-outpatient-classes-session-20/reducing-stress-in-addiction-recovery-through-relaxation.php#ixzz2KQYIZBLj

As if I haven’t told you enough benefits of daily relaxation, there are others: improved focus and ability to concentrate; lack of lethargy; reduced irritability; better moods; better sleep; improved thinking; more creative problem solving; slows again; as an act of self-care, increases self-esteem. A study in “Neuroimage” (May 2011) says conclusively that deep meditation increases brain connectivity and alters the body at a fundamental level leading to better memory, self-awareness and compassion.

Now you have the facts. Your job is to decide which fit you best and start using one. Why not today? You will be richly rewarded with better health, greater peace of mind, a smoother, more joyful course through life. Living like this, who wants to throw a monkey-wrench of a destructive sexual act into the works??!!

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Available Here! Fabulous Winibar About the Joy of Sexual Recovery

wolf

The Wolf You Feed

An elder Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me.. it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

“This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too”, he added.

The Grandchildren thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied… “The one you feed.”

________

Our friends from “Feed the Right Wolf”, a site about pornography addiction and “Compulsive Solutions”, a sex addiction rehab on the West Coast, have joined forces to put together this FABULOUS winibar.  It discusses not just how to overcome porn, but how to live a robust life in sexual recovery.
Don’t Miss It!
You can find the video here:
And you can get the accompanying notes here:

Get Real: The Great Things About Watching Porn

images (12)

I’m always focusing on the negatives about watching porn, but you wouldn’t keep going back for more…and more…and more if you didn’t derive significant psychological benefits from doing it.

I had a teacher who once opened the class by saying “The problem with addiction is…it works!”

Let’s remember a definition of pornography addiction:  “A pathological preoccupation with online sexual behavior in an effort to create a mood-altering experience.”   “Pathological” can mean something not very sensible, almost impossible to control and that eventually leads to illness.

So…despite the fact that it’s not sensible and can lead to a diseased state, there seems to be this never-ending compulsion to create this “mood-altering experience.”  WOW…a lot of really good stuff must be going on in that “experience.”  I wonder what they are.

Just this afternoon I had a session with a client and we discussed this very issue.  When I first asked him to think of all the benefits he accrued by watching porn, he thought it was a trick question!  But I was serious.  What did it do for him…really?

He really had to think hard.  After a fair amount of exploration, these are the things he can up with:

  • “When I watch porn, all’s right with the world.”
  • “If people on the screen are as dirty-minded as I am, it’s not so bad to be dirty-minded.”
  • “I feel validated, somehow, and validation feels good.”
  • “If I’m looking at porn and doing compulsive masturbation and I know that everybody else is, it feels normal, healthy and understandable.”
  • “I like being part of a (sexually minded) group of like-minded people.”
  • “I like playing with danger.  I always know it’s a slippery-slope and that one day I could go to far in terms of increasing novelty or deviance.”

He brought up the issue of misogamy. Was watching porn a sign that you really hated women?

  • “I think of all the girls who snubbed me in middle and high school.  By watching women be treated like receptacles, like objects being made to obey and submit, I guess I feel some a tad vindictive towards them.  I also have a sense of having redeemed myself.”

Ah, then there’s the therapist’s eternal vigilance about the question of  “mother.”

This client had always reported that he’d come from an Ozzie and Harriet home.  Part of the 3% of reported “functional” homes in the country!

But then, there was the issue of the divorce that she insisted on after 25 years of a good marriage and what a mess that made.  He hated seeing his father’s heart get broken.  Then mother flew the coop for five months, leaving the children behind, to “find herself” and, wow, she didn’t even call.

I won’t tell the whole story.  Suffice it to say, there was no little amount of resentment towards Mom, the “Woman” and looking at porn gave him a sense of CONTROL over the woman he couldn’t control back then.  And perhaps some amount of retribution, which feels really, really good.  An evening out of the score — what could be better?

I’ll relay benefits other clients have relayed in therapy next time.

In the meantime, what about you?  We know the costs, but what, really, are the benefits of watching online porn for you?

http://www.sextreatment.com

Porn Blocker Directly From Your Computer

I stumbled across this on Yahoo answers.

I’m trying to research what type of porn sites are most visited by users?  You guys have any votes?

“If you want Tool to Block All Porno Use Naomi.

WHAT IS NAOMI ?

Naomi is an advanced porn blocker, easy to use and totally free, intended for families, and kids in particular.

Naomi is able to constantly monitor all internet connections, protecting children from inappropriate online porn– such as obscene or violent contents; pornography, pedophilia and erotism in the form of images or texts; sites that popularize drugs; gambling games; terrorism; hate propaganda; occultism; sects; blasphemy, etc.

Naomi does not rely on a simple list of banned sites; instead, it examines in real-time all the data being transmitted and received through any internet application – such as web browers, chat programs, news readers, etc. To download Naomi Press herehttp://www.radiance.m6.net/oldindex.html

http://www.sextreatment.com

Study: Porn Addiction Increasing as Technology Proliferates Access

                                                              images (11)

San Francisco psychotherapist Michael Halyard, MFT describes a University of Sydney study showing an increase in porn addiction as technology explodes access. Problems related to Internet porn are explored and solutions are offered.

A recent study confirms what therapists already know–the Internet and other new technologies have been spurring an increase in pornography use. A University of Sydney study has shown an increase in addiction pornography use as the technologies are exploding access.

Preliminary results are discussed on the University of Sydney website. Nearly 800 people came forward to discuss their pornography addiction for an extensive online study facilitated by researchers at the University of Sydney. The study revealed that 43 percent of people surveyed began watching porn from the young ages of 11 to 13 years old.

The study also revealed an increase in pornography addiction in both young adults and adults. Among participants, 47 percent acknowledged watching porn for between 30 minutes and three hours every day, and over half had de-facto partners or were married. The study revealed that in addition to the damage to friendships and romantic relationships, negative consequences of Internet addiction included loss of jobs and legal problems.

“The easy access to online porn and other devices makes resisting the urge more difficult, and appears to be increasing pornography addiction. There are people who are now porn addicts who arguably wouldn’t have gotten there without the new technologies,” says San Francisco psychotherapist Michael Halyard, MFT.

“Pornography is not only on the Internet, it’s now available on smart phones like the iPhone and Android, computer tablets like the iPad and Kindle Fire, and Internet television like Apple TV and Roku. There are apps for the smart phones and tablets, and special channels for Internet television,” adds Halyard.

Pornography addiction is defined as a psychological dependence on pornography, characterized by compulsive reading, viewing and obsessing about pornography to the detriment of a person’s well being and affecting all areas of their life. As with all addictions, key to its addictive quality is that the behavior continues despite ever growing negative consequences and a desire to stop. Pornography addiction is also a form of sex addiction, and can often co-occur with other compulsive sexual behavior.

Modern pornography is more addictive than traditional pornography due to its easy availability, explicit nature, wide range of images and video available, ability to access it on any handheld device or tablet, and the privacy that the experience offers. People can spend hours searching the Internet on their computer or device for the newest or most hardcore pornography.

“You used to have to go to an Adult movie theater to watch pornography. Some people even had film projectors and showed Super-8 films at home. Then the VCR allowed practically everyone who wanted it access to pornography in the privacy of their own home. Then came the Internet and all bets were off. Smart phones, iPhones, tablets and iPads, Internet television, and now even Twitter and Facebook feeds and apps have made porn difficult to avoid,” explains Halyard.

“This omnipresent availability makes it easy for people with addictive personalities to cross that indivisible line into addiction. For many adults, the moderate use of pornography can be a healthy part of their sexuality. For porn addicts, however, pornography can be as damaging as gambling, alcohol or drugs, and can take over a person’s life. If you are spending more than 30 minutes watching porn each day, you may have a problem,” argues Halyard.

The kind of behaviors that porn addicts engage in include: watching porn on a computer or other device, looking at nude picture personal ads on websites, spending hours searching for the most exciting videos, talking to people online, file sharing, instant messaging, texting, cybersex, webcam sex, and even sex in virtual world video games. There’s also downloading, classifying and storing porn in a way–that is in essence hoarding porn– and an obsessive compulsive way to control anxiety. For some people it doesn’t go any further than this, but others get into sexually compulsive behaviors in the real world.

“For compulsive pornography consumers, the pornography often serves as a way to self-soothe, relax, and escape the stress of modern life. People also use pornography to avoid uncomfortable feelings like sadness, guilt and shame, and as a way to manage their anxiety. Sometimes people use porn just to avoid doing work or tedious tasks,” says Halyard.

Pornography addiction, like drug and alcohol addiction, has the potential to wreck havoc in people’s lives and results in real consequences. Negative consequences include being caught at work downloading or watching porn, being late or missing work due to a several hour stretch of watching porn, loosing one’s job, and being caught by one’s significant other.

It also can affect intimacy because the porn addict may be more comfortable watching porn than interacting with his or her partner. Porn addicts can incur huge charges from website subscriptions and other adult services, and the addiction can lead to isolating, secretive behavior, moodiness, unrealistic expectations of sex, and the constant search for more extreme material.

“Although not recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical of Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the standard classification system for mental disorders, pornography addiction has all the hallmarks of an addiction, including causing significant distress, tolerance, withdrawal, increasing time spent and intensity, behavior continuing despite negative consequences or the desire to stop, and causing problems in occupational and social functioning,” explains Halyard.

Porn addiction is serious, but there is hope. Porn addicts can recovery from addiction from private practice psychotherapists, clinics, and out-patient and in-patient programs. The impediment to treatment is often denial, because people don’t want to think they have a problem, and they often are embarrassed to seek help,” adds Halyard.

Psychotherapy is helpful for sex addiction, and involves confronting denial and rationalization and making a sexual recovery plan. Part of that process is figuring out what the triggers are for acting out, and learning how to avoid or cope with them. Overcoming addiction also involves figuring out what an individual’s healthy sexual practices are and teaching people to cope with their urges. Additionally, sexual disorder therapy also involves learning to cope with uncomfortable feelings.

There are also a number of self-help programs set up to help porn and sex addicts. Porn Addicts Anonymous is a 12-step program geared specifically for pornography addiction–it is relatively new and most meetings are by conference call. There are also online message boards like www.no-porn.com where porn addicts can go and get online support.

Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and Sexual Compulsive Anonymous are also 12-step groups based on Alcoholics Anonymous. These self-help / mutual-support groups are well-liked and effective at helping sex addicts achieve and maintain sexual sobriety.

Internet monitoring or Internet filtering (designed to keep children from seeing adult images and content) helps reduce accessibility and can prevent a relapse. The filters provide an external deterrent to a relapse and are very helpful.

“The good news is that people do recover. Pornography addiction is very treatable. Being in recovery means having a life free of sexual obsession, reconnecting with one’s world and deepening relationships,” adds Halyard.

source: PR Web

Remember: Treatment works. Call me at 212-673-5717 for a FREE CONSULTATION.