Get Real: The Great Things About Watching Porn

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I’m always focusing on the negatives about watching porn, but you wouldn’t keep going back for more…and more…and more if you didn’t derive significant psychological benefits from doing it.

I had a teacher who once opened the class by saying “The problem with addiction is…it works!”

Let’s remember a definition of pornography addiction:  “A pathological preoccupation with online sexual behavior in an effort to create a mood-altering experience.”   “Pathological” can mean something not very sensible, almost impossible to control and that eventually leads to illness.

So…despite the fact that it’s not sensible and can lead to a diseased state, there seems to be this never-ending compulsion to create this “mood-altering experience.”  WOW…a lot of really good stuff must be going on in that “experience.”  I wonder what they are.

Just this afternoon I had a session with a client and we discussed this very issue.  When I first asked him to think of all the benefits he accrued by watching porn, he thought it was a trick question!  But I was serious.  What did it do for him…really?

He really had to think hard.  After a fair amount of exploration, these are the things he can up with:

  • “When I watch porn, all’s right with the world.”
  • “If people on the screen are as dirty-minded as I am, it’s not so bad to be dirty-minded.”
  • “I feel validated, somehow, and validation feels good.”
  • “If I’m looking at porn and doing compulsive masturbation and I know that everybody else is, it feels normal, healthy and understandable.”
  • “I like being part of a (sexually minded) group of like-minded people.”
  • “I like playing with danger.  I always know it’s a slippery-slope and that one day I could go to far in terms of increasing novelty or deviance.”

He brought up the issue of misogamy. Was watching porn a sign that you really hated women?

  • “I think of all the girls who snubbed me in middle and high school.  By watching women be treated like receptacles, like objects being made to obey and submit, I guess I feel some a tad vindictive towards them.  I also have a sense of having redeemed myself.”

Ah, then there’s the therapist’s eternal vigilance about the question of  “mother.”

This client had always reported that he’d come from an Ozzie and Harriet home.  Part of the 3% of reported “functional” homes in the country!

But then, there was the issue of the divorce that she insisted on after 25 years of a good marriage and what a mess that made.  He hated seeing his father’s heart get broken.  Then mother flew the coop for five months, leaving the children behind, to “find herself” and, wow, she didn’t even call.

I won’t tell the whole story.  Suffice it to say, there was no little amount of resentment towards Mom, the “Woman” and looking at porn gave him a sense of CONTROL over the woman he couldn’t control back then.  And perhaps some amount of retribution, which feels really, really good.  An evening out of the score — what could be better?

I’ll relay benefits other clients have relayed in therapy next time.

In the meantime, what about you?  We know the costs, but what, really, are the benefits of watching online porn for you?

http://www.sextreatment.com

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