Fantasies and More Fantasies/Dorothy Hayden, LCSW


Reclaim Sexual Sanity:  Find Recovery Now by Calling 212-673-5717 for an Initial Consultation.  See www.sextreatment.com for 35 full-length articles about sex addiction and for details about my private practice.

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Sexual fantasies have to do with a wish for something.  For you to discuss a sexual fantasy with a therapist is to admit that you have an unfilled sexual wish.  There can be shame associate with having that type of longing.  Getting rid of a sexual fantasy isn’t really possible.  Once again, I challenge you to handl sexual fantasies by DOING NOTHING.  People often try to get rid of their sexual fantasies or pretend they don’t have them.  But trying not to think about them may give them more power and energy.
Fueling fantasies to give a higher level of excitement isn’t the way to go either.  Be “feeding” I mean to make them longer, more detailed and stronger than they were when they started out.  People fuel fantasies to work toward an inner “perfection/”.
 But fantasy can take over your life.You check out of reality and check into a self-constructed world where everything is as you want it.  And, if you start to compare real women to the women in your fantasies, you’ll make it very difficult to have a real relationship with a real woman in the real world.
Sometimes fantasy can contribute to perceiving reality in a distorted way.  Remember that a fantasy is a fantasy precisely because there are no downsides to it.  There are no costs involved.  The downside?  Real life simply doesn’t work that way.  The more time you spend in fantasy, the less able you are to cope with the tribulations of living a real life.
A fantasy can be dispelled by discussing and understanding it with your therapist (who should have some psychoanalytic training where he/she learned fantasy interpretation).
It’s been my experience with working with certain people over the long-term that as they mature and are able to derive real satisfaction from living, that sexual fantasies either leave them or become much less intense.

 

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