The Cost of Sex Addiction:Financial Loss/Dorothy Hayden, LCSW

Reclaim Sexual Sanity:  Find Recovery Now by Calling 212-673-5717 for an Initial Consultation.  See www.sextreatment.com for 35 full-length articles about sex addiction and for details about my private practice.

So you think sex addiction doesn’t cost you money?  How about when you’re in the “gotta have it” state of mind and a membership site pops up.  As we know, the monster in the belly is always seeking more novelty and a higher intensity of arousal.  Of course you’re going to join the membership sites because you’re not coming from your rational mind; you’re coming from the “gimme more” frame of mind.  So you’re in it for the membership fees.
I’ve seen sex addicts have to pay for repairs for car accidents (from cruising or using their cell phones to look at porn in the car), and divorce expenses.  Frequently large sums were spent of sex addiction treatment and therapy which did not help.  In Patrick Carne’s survey of over 1,000 sex addicts, 65% experienced severe financial difficulties because of their sex addiction.
By far the greatest financial expense comes from the loss of a job.  Some addicts lost their jobs and sometimes whole businesses.  Sexual behavior on the job cost some people opportunities; others, such as licensed professional including physicians, nurses, and therapists, lost their professional licenses. In the same survey, eighty percent of sex addicts reported a loss of productivity which led to job loss and demotion.  The following statements, used verbatim from Carne’s “Don’t Call It Love”, relay some of the sense of the costs of porn addiction in the workplace.
Job Unmanageability 
  • Masturbating on the job;
  • Would forget important messages because of preoccupation
  • Work took longer; accuracy suffered; Fantasizing about porn, I lost my ability to concentrate;
  • Put off tasks because of fantasy life.
  • Was unable to work because of obsessions about porn viewing;
  • Left “must work undone to look at porn;
  • Abandoned work frequently to find a computer to view porn;
  • Neglected ordinary duties, blamed others, and dumped responsibilities on others;
  • Exhausted, angry and full of shame, I wasn’t able to work;
  • *****Loss of sleep caused efficiency and productivity impairment;
  • Unable to keep appointments because of sex addiction
  • Obsessing about and sexualizing people I work with professionally.
These situations may not directly affect all of you.  But you can’t deny that some-how-or-other, sex addiction has negatively affected your work life.
When I see men losing their jobs and their ability to support their families and when I see young people unable to keep up with the demands of an educational training program, I see talented, intelligent people who have not been able to live up to their potential because of sex addiction.
We’ve gone through the negative consequences of sex addiction including loss of primary relationships, loss of children, loss of close friends, unavailability to children (including neglect), financial losses, career losses, loss of integrity and loss of self-esteem, I ask myself:
“For What?  For the illusory fantasy world that provides them with fleeting sexual pleasure that is transitory and ends in disappointment, deceit, shame and despair?”
Transitory pleasure that provides so little and takes….everything.
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